Why is it that once we find out someone is pregnant, we automatically want to share our worst moment(s) from our own personal childbirth experience? It should not be this way. Newly expectant mamas should not have to deal with everyone else's fears of birth, when for sure they themselves have some uncertainty of what is to come. (Even if they have had multiple children before.)
There is so much that is unknown about pregnancy and birth that it maybe hard for us to grasp the fact that there just might be a positive side to birth besides the actual birth of the child.
A pregnant woman is a beautiful thing. She is designed to bare children. Her body is made for it. Therefore, nonsensical fear and panic should not be put into her.
If you come across a pregnant woman, or a given the news that someone you know is pregnant, please at all costs only share pleasant memories from your own childbirth experience. Many times we may feel like we need to share statistics, or tell tales of how long our labor was in order to re-connect ourselves with the feelings of being pregnant.
I remember when I was pregnant that the only stories I remembered from my friends and family were the ones that scared the goosebumps right out of me. I also remember hearing those things did not make me feel closer or connected to those people at the time. They actually made me want to keep my distance from those people because I feared I would feel those unpleasant feelings of panic and mistrust of my body.
The biggest thing that we can do as non-pregnant or even pregnant friends and family is to share love, share wishes of health, and goodness. Informed choices can be made but it doesn't have to be based on fear. Helping women trust their body can be the best way to feel a sense of connect with a friend or family member who is expecting.
If you yourself are pregnant, reading books/articles on pregnancy that only promote fear and anxiety is not a way to a calm and peaceful birth (trust me, I know). Or watching television shows that dramatize the way birth actual is can totally mess up your inner reality. Talk with your doula, or midwife, or even your OB many can offer ways to feel calm about the changes your body will be going through.
If you do encounter a pessimistic experience here are a few things that can help rid yourself of those negative feelings.
- Always remember that the purest form of life is growing inside you. That life is innocent and needs feelings of love and balance as he/she makes their way into this world.
- Play calming music & Take a warm (not hot) bath with some Lavender (or other calming blend) essential oil.
- Remember, their negative experiences do not have to be your experiences. Every birth is different, no two are the same and yours can be as positive as you make it.
- Be prepared for changes. Your birth may not go 100% as planned (babies have their own way of doing things), embrace it.
Most of all enjoy your pregnancy, morning sickness, chubby ankles, strange cravings and all. These are the moments you will want to share with your little one when they are grown and preparing for their first child.
Wishing you blessings of health, happiness, and baby twinkles.Sara